Last night, before bed, I was reading “The Reincarnation of Edgar Cayce?” about David Wilcock. Wilcock is a fascinating person to me. He believes in the coming Earth dimensional shift of the time period around 2012, is a proponent of the Ascension, channeler, psychic, etc. I was reading in chapters three and four about Ra’s (social memory complex of beings from Venus that Carla Rueckhert of the L/L Research Group channeled in the 80s) explanation of God and how creation began, and how close positivity and negativity are, and how negativity can easily be turned to positivity. I fell asleep feeling joy and happiness, peace and love.

I slept horribly. I fell in and out of sleep, while appearing to suffer from a psychic attack. I have experienced the phenomenon of “sleep paralysis” a few times the past few months. Doctors and scientists call it sleep paralysis, but others say it is due to astral projection and you waking up before your spirit has fully returned to your physical body. This time seemed somewhat different though. I was dreaming that I was dreaming I had sleep paralysis. And in my dream was a dark unseen presence. (The other two more physical experiences also involved a negative unseen presence.) I remember raising my arms as if to shield myself, and trying to push this being away, and trying to talk, to say no, and to reject it. And I woke up feeling horrible, full of negativity, and intense sadness. I am feeling better now, but I must have really been onto something good as I was entering the dream state for this attack to occur with such intensity!

It is my heart’s desire to become as spiritually and emotionally mature a human being as possible. For a long time, I thought of myself as an Agnostic.

ag·nos·tic (g-nstk) n.

1.

a. One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.

b. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.

2. One who is doubtful or noncommittal about something.

adj.

1. Relating to or being an agnostic.

2. Doubtful or noncommittal.

I believed if there was a god, he or she was not concerned with what is going on down here. Then, I had an epiphany, an awakening, and I saw god in my mind and my soul.

I saw my soul, and I had forgotten it, had stopped believing in my soul. I believed once dead, we rotted in the ground, became fertilizer, and that was it. Poof! A light goes out. When I saw my soul again in my heart, I cried my eyes out because I could not believe I could ever forget something as important as this.

What I saw was like a revelation. I realized that we are all going through the “Christ” experience. That we are a piece of god, and god wanted to experience what it was like to be physical, to be in this dimension, and he wanted us to experience this too. And so we go through our own story, our own experience. We experience joy and sorrow and pain and boredom and bliss and all the physical emotions. For better or worse. We decided to take the chance, to accept this “free will” offer which means we may die in the womb, of cancer, an old person, in a car wreck, etc. etc. we decided the experience was worth the risk.

And I saw that god is nothing more (and still incredibly the most amazing thing imaginable) than a huge source of the most original and ancient energy. God is not on a throne somewhere, judging people. He is not making commandments that we have to obey, he is not fearful, he is none of the things religion has “taught” us. Good and bad are part of the experience. We don’t go to hell or heaven.

Even the most evil human goes back to the same place we do. Only they have to keep coming back until they learn and work through their negativity.

I can’t explain how wonderful it felt to see my soul again and to see what god really is. I think that was the happiest moment yet of my life. It was a reunion. And when I was experiencing this, I knew that I had experienced it before. It was familiar.

And once I saw this and knew it to be true, there was no going back. No longer could I be so passive and hold on to such cold and empty beliefs. So I began my spiritual journey, for real this time. And even though it’s very lonely at times, it’s been such a wonderful experience!